Not Feeling Good About Yourself

Do you extend yourself to please others so you can feel good enough? Perhaps you have difficulty saying no because you don’t want to let people down in case, they don’t like you. If you worry about what people think of you then perhaps these are signs you don’t feel good about yourself.

When you focus on trying to get people to like you or fear judgement then these are signs that you don’t feel good about yourself.

When you don’t focus on yourself, but focus on others for approval, it is because you don’t accept yourself as good enough.

If you worry what people think about you, you can end up thinking that other people are judging you. In fact, I bet no one judges you the way you judge yourself. Focusing on how others dislike you or wronged you is a way to distract you from how you feel about yourself.

If you feel not good enough within yourself then you most likely put your negative view about yourself onto others and think that others see you the way you do, so you think others are critical of you, instead of realising that you are critical towards yourself. Of course, you do not realise that these thoughts are internal, not necessarily external.

Instead of getting in touch with your feelings, it is easy to make others responsible for how you feel. It is easy to mistake that your partner causes you to feel worthless or your boss judges you.

But could there be a possibility that you don’t like yourself very much, so you externalise your feelings as being caused by those around you, so you blame everyone one else for how you feel deep down.

Perhaps you don’t like me for saying this.  Perhaps it feels like I am blaming you or victim blaming, I can assure you, I am not. I want to show you how you can love yourself so you can have the relationships you want.

You might be saying to yourself, “but I feel fine, it’s everyone else”.

The more you hold anger or resentment towards those around you, it is usually because they’ve triggered your sore spots, your wounds or your underlying feelings. So, you want to run away, leave or quit your job to escape the way you feel about yourself.

Overcoming these underlying feelings within yourself can allow you to overcome depression and anxiety, so you can find fulfilment within yourself, work and relationships.

How you are not feeling good about yourself by focusing on everyone else but yourself

Whenever you take the focus off yourself then you stop valuing yourself, by looking towards others in order to feel good about yourself. This causes you to focus on how others are treating you, rather than sorting out those feelings that get in the way of life, work and relationships.  It means you invest a lot in others in order to gain approval.

This fundamental pattern distracts you from focusing on meeting your own needs and finding fulfilment within yourself. It stops you from being your true self and fully flourishing, when you give up on yourself.

The more you give up on being your true self, the more unhappy you become by living everyone else’s expectations rather than finding your own way in life.

By focusing on making others happy it doesn’t change how you feel about yourself, unless you work on yourself.

If a person feels good about themselves then they can put themselves out there and go for what they are looking for in life.

If a person feels not good about themselves, they often feel that they don’t deserve good things for themselves, and avoid activating themselves, because they feel not good enough to do so. Instead, they avoid taking care of themselves and put off doing the things they want.

Here are some subtle hints that show you do not feel good within yourself.

• If you think that you are not worthy of your partner, you may expect them to leave you or find someone better, so you might even sabotage your relationship by looking for evidence that they do not want you.
• Do you think your friend cancelled your plans because she doesn’t like you?
• Do you think your boss wants to get rid of you because you feel useless?
• You may feel that your husband is judgmental of you or berating you, when he offers you advice.
• You do not feel good enough to apply for the job you want.
• When your boss addresses things that you’re not doing, you feel attacked and want to leave your job.
• You do not feel confident to speak to people, by shying away from conversations in case they might judge you.
• You will not speak up in a team meeting because you do not trust that your ideas are good enough, you think others know better.
• You think that other people will think your stupid if you say what you think, so you go along with what others think.
• You please everyone to avoid being judged or cannot say no.
• You avoid putting yourself out there, going for the job you want or asking for leave.
• You forget about doing thing for yourself because you do not think you deserve things in life. You avoid the gym, doctor or self-care. You put off the things that you want to do for yourself.
• You cannot listen to your wife because it feels she that berates you or tells you off, so you walk off or attack back.
• You suffer anxiety or depression whenever you must face challenges, seeing the glass half empty and catastrophizing the worst happening.
• You think everything is your fault, and blame yourself by taking everything personally, instead of seeing the bigger picture.

If you don’t feel good about yourself, you may avoid situations which trigger these feelings, and give up on aspects of your life in order to avoid facing these feelings. You can make decisions based on escaping these feelings rather than thinking things through. Be careful you could make decisions that are not good for you, and sabotage yourself.

When you don’t love yourself, you focus on everyone else to feel good enough

Often, when you think others are critical of you, it’s a sign that you judge yourself and do not feel good enough on the inside. Because it feels painful, you can project your feelings onto others and think that others are judging you, by disowning these feelings. To avoid feeling judged you might give up on doing the things for which you think you’re being judged. 

When you give up on doing things for yourself or expressing yourself, you end up running away from your feelings and sabotaging yourself at the same time. You give up everything for which you have worked hard.  By avoiding self-activation in life, you end up escaping from the critical part of yourself that berates you for not being good enough. In this the way you can give up and avoid doing things for yourself to avoid feeling not good enough.

It is easy to think that your partner or boss thinks that you are not good enough. Instead of taking on board constructive feedback about yourself and learn to grow as an individual, it’s easy to blame others or run away to  avoid feeling this way. If you do not acknowledge how you feel on the inside, then you think others are critical or judging you. Working through these underlying feelings, allows you to change how you feel about yourself so you can learn to love yourself and improve your relationships.  They key is changing how you feel, not changing others or making them responsible for how you feel.

If you need help to feel good about yourself, please get in touch with us to find out how we can assist you.

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