Keep arguing? Don’t Communicate?

What is your communication like? Do you find that you argue rather than talk? Do you ignore each other? Do you speak through your children?

Communication is the cornerstone of all relationships. Without communication, you have misunderstandings, resentment and arguments. What does good communication look like? There are 2 main types of communication. You can be good at communicating about everyday, practical problems such as what needs to be bought for dinner or that a household item needs repairing but you may not find it so easy to talk about emotions and how you feel about one another. A lot of couples struggle with this. They sometimes find it hard to articulate what they mean or fear being misunderstood.

The way we communicate with one another is also key. The following example shows the different ways we can say or interpret something:

‘I think you should go to the party tonight’

Now, you could think that your partner is being kind and thoughtful or you could interpret it as they would prefer to be alone or that they are testing you in some way. As you can see, how we say things and how they are perceived are important. The tone we use can be taken as warm, kind, angry, sarcastic, accusing and many more ways.

If a couple has been arguing over long periods of time, they can develop defence mechanisms which basically means that they may already be on the defensive as soon as their partner opens their mouth to speak without having actually heard a word! Trying the empathy exercise where you try to look at life from the other person’s perspective may help. Are they really ALWAYS unfair, NEVER listen or does it just feel that way? Then, look at your part in your communication. It is one of the most challenging things to do. To look at ourselves objectively. And yet this, along with a better understanding of your partner will enable you to see problems before they arise as you will communicate your needs or concerns in a healthier, more productive way.

Looking at both your inputs in the relationship can help you to become aware and therefore have a better understanding of how you communicate and what needs improvement. Therapy is a very helpful way to work on your communication. Our warm and approachable counsellors are all experienced in these issues and will be able to help you to navigate any issues you are facing and to strengthen this communication so that you are able to face the future on a stronger basis than you may be at the moment.

Get help to improve your communication today. See one of our expert therapist at a location near you.

Call us on: 07368 697414

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