Ideas to help you feel closer to your partner

feel closer to your partner

Most couples who come to Relationship Counselling UK are in crisis. Therapy is often their last hope to save their relationship, and so we need to make progress quickly.

Making behaviour changes in your relationship is the quickest way to get your relationship back on track and build the momentum and goodwill necessary to tackle more difficult challenges.

Behavioural changes include things like smiling at your partner and saying good morning when you first wake up. They sound basic, but they make the biggest difference in the shortest time. In the field of relationship therapy, these behavioural changes are the equivalent of a “relationship hack” or “quick-fix pill”, to get things started.

When we ask couples in couples counselling what they would like to see different in their relationship, people invariably come up with a similar set of behaviours they want from their partner. 

Below are their distilled answers. These behaviours tend to help people feel loved and appreciated, and like they’re on the same team again. They are simple and extremely effective.

While there is quite a bit of research and technical understanding that supports why these behaviours are effective, the most important thing is that they are practised. You and your partner might like to give them a try.

Morning

  • When you first wake up:
    • Smile at your partner.
    • Say good morning in a warm tone – mustering the energy to do this is important (even if you are not a morning person).
    • Hug them – think about whether they’d like a strong or gentle hug or maybe to be touched lovingly.
  • While getting ready for the day:
    • Ask them what they are doing today.
    • Talk about something you are looking forward to.
    • Make plans for the weekend.
  • Before you leave:
    • Hug them goodbye.
    • Kiss them – you might like to try the six second kiss which Dr John Gottman discovered is just long enough to slow the heart rate, relax the nervous system and bond with your partner.

Daytime

  • During the day:
    • Make some form of contact during the day. Sending a message can be best for busy people; but you can discuss with your partner if they would prefer a phone call.

Evening

  • When you get home:
    • Go straight to them to greet them (before the kids, dogs, or checking your mail). Or if you are already home when they arrive, stop what you are doing and greet them.
    • Hug them and kiss them.
  • Before bed:
    • Unwind together in some way. Talk or sit together once or twice a week.
    • Ask them about their day.
    • Go to bed at the same time at least once or twice a week.

Which of these do you wish your partner would do for you? Maybe you’d like to let your partner know.

This is where the rubber meets the road in your relationship. Behaviours immediately affect how you feel in your relationship. They are the ingredients that create (or erode) things like love, trust, respect, and desire.

Applying these behaviours in your relationship will help things feel better immediately and create goodwill for the future. This is why we often use it as a starting point in couples therapy. But if you have difficulty initiating these behaviours; feel stuck in resentment or deep hurt; or perhaps don’t have the energy to try these behavioural changes then a couples counsellor can help you manage the overwhelm and get your relationship back on track.

If we can help get your relationship closer with your partner please call us on 07368 697414 or visit our websites ‘Contact Us’ page

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